13 Steps To Fix A Broken Relationship

During the period when you started dating each other or early in your marriage, everything seems to be easy and wonderful.

You were the perfect couple; you were everyone’s desire feeling almost complacent about how you had something so peculiar that other couples must feel jealous.

But somewhere gradually along the line, frustration, fighting, quarrel and separation began to slide in and reducing your close connection. In fact, you've been spending most of your time curiously looking for ways to repair a relationship than you have enjoyed it.

Maybe you've even considered consulting a relationship therapist to help you and your partner repair your relationship.

Even some best relationships get broken from sometimes. But it's crucial that you act fast to build a powerful platform for restoring trust and fostering intimacy and happiness in your relationship.

Can you repair a relationship?

The short and simple answer is - it depends. For partners or married couples who both desire their relationship to be repair, the chances are definitely more in your favor. But it is very much difficult when only one party is involved or probably one of you already has a foot outside.

However, if you both parties agree that the connection is worth keeping, and you are willing to take any action needed to repair a broken relationship, you have reason to be expectant of a good outcome.

Even at that, there are some behaviors you must address that can hinder your commitment and desire to make things better. We have earlier discussed about 8 things you shouldn't say to your man. According to an expert in relationship matters and bestselling author, Dr. John Gottman, there are four major behaviors that can destroy a relationship.

These include:

·         Criticism: This is suggesting that something about your partner or what your partner did is the cause of your problems.

·         Defensiveness: This is simply counter-attacking your partner or acting like a victim and complaining with high pitch.

·         Contempt: This is insulting your partner and behaving like the superior.

·         Stonewalling: This is telling your partner that you do not care by shutting down and tuning out.

If you or your partner indulges in any of these four attitudes more often, and you are not willing to change, the chances of you fixing your relationship decrease dramatically.

However, for you to be reading this article now shows that you really want to make things better and have a good relationship with your partner on a stronger and more satisfying platform. Now let's glance at how you can achieve that.

How to Fix a Broken Relationship

1. Write Down Your Thoughts

Arrange the thoughts that are going through your mind. Get a pen and paper and just write freely.
Jot down every thought that comes to mind.

·         Why is your relationship broken?

·         How did it get to the point of separation?

·         What do you wish could have gone differently?

By seeing the words on paper, you can start thinking deeply about them and gain clarity about the problems you are passing through. You may even decide to write as if you are writing a letter to your spouse or lover (but not sending it).

Putting down your thoughts makes you feel more cleared, relax and calm before you and your lover eventually talk about your relationship.

2. Begin a Conversation

This may seem to be the hardest step to take in the process. Being the first person to reach out to the other person might means taking risks. Your significant other may not want to meet you halfway.

Both of you could end up feeling worse if this is the case. It is definitely something of a reasonable concern. But think of all the moments you have shared together, think of everything you have missed out on when not together all this time.

Is your relationship not worth taking the risk?

Determine to begin a conversation. Find a moment when both of you are calm and cool and won’t have any disruptions or distractions.

Sometimes when there are ruptures in your intimacy and togetherness, it's usually hard to discuss them openly. You fear things won’t go as thought and might probably get out of control. But you can approach this conversation with love and positivity.

Let your spouse understand that you want to talk about repairing your relationship and making it better. Set some initial rules that you won't involve in any of the four negative behaviors listed previously.

3. Let Go of Any Lingering Anger

If you have a broken relationship due to a misunderstanding or wrongdoing by either party, then it can definitely fuel some anger.

If your relationship was broken due to a misunderstanding or actus reus by either party, it is very certain to spark up some anger.

This strong emotion can be a big hindrance to repairing broken relationships. Try your best to set anger aside as you start the work of reconnecting and repairing.

When you are ready to deal with your anger, you may need the assistance of a couples' therapist to dissolve your feelings.

Both of you need to accept responsibility for the pain you have caused each other, and do anything necessary to rebuild trust and intimacy.

4. Apologize for Past Deeds

Accepting responsibility requires apologizing and forgiving. Ideally, both of you should take a glance back to past stories and regrets and endeavor to say you are sorry regardless of who is at fault.

It’s important for each of you to say these things out loud, and it’s important for the other person to hear them.

This allows both of you the chance to finally move past it and repair the damage. Saying you are sorry, especially after a long while can be so difficult.

Just speak out your mind. Don’t give accusations, just apologize. Then let your partner know that the apology is genuine by changing your behavior.

5. Work to Create a “Couple Bubble”

As individuals, it is indeed important to be independent, to forge our own way in life. In relationships, however, we ultimately seek love, comfort and safety from another person.

A couple in a “couple bubble” (a phrase coined by relationship expert Stan Tatkin) will know that, come what may, they have each other’s backs.

They feel the peace and contentment that comes from knowing that they are cherished and safe. They are two against the world, and as a team they are indestructible.

There are no secrets, no judgments and no insecurities within the couple bubble. It is as warm and as protective as your own home. Learn not to think of yourself only but of both of you. 

Make your relationship a priority by building a place of protection and reassurance.

6. Make a Pact

Stan Tatkin, in his book Wired for Love, explained couple bubble as being based on a series of agreements, such as:

·          “I will relieve your distress, even when I’m the one causing it.”

·         “I will never leave you or frighten you.”

·         “You will be the first to hear about anything.”

These collective agreements are consciously held — like a pact. Most importantly, you are saying to each other: “We come first.”

Let mutuality takes the place of autonomy. Allow support and encouragement take the place of threats and guilt.

Unlike co-dependency, in which the relationship is controlled by insecurity and fear, the couple bubble is controlled by empathy, acceptance and understanding.

7. Set Some Ground Rules

Ensure you set up relationship future together to enable the feeling of safety for both of you.

·         What will the future of your relationship look like?

·         Will it take the previous shape, or will it be quite different?

·         Are you committed to making the health of your relationship a priority over your own personal needs?

·         Somehow it will be a bit different at least for a while. You will be in the stage of getting-to-know-you-again phase that may be a little ugly. But that’s ok. A little ugliness is normal.

·         Both of you are kind of being extra cautious so that you won’t get hurt again.

·         You are both being extra cautious because you don’t want to get hurt again. Try not to overdo it. Make allowances but always remember why you want your relationship heal.

A perfect relationship will not happen suddenly, to build a genuine couple bubble requires maximum time and utmost dedication.

8. Become an Expert on Each Other

Make sure you and your partner become experts on each other.

·         What makes your partner feel safe and secure, above all else?

·         What will provoke him/her?

·         What will reassure your partner?

Take a flash back at the last time you had some sort of disagreement or conflict. How was your partner’s reaction? And what made him calmed down.

Intimacy and trust can only exist between people who understand each other perfectly. With time, both of you will eventually understand exactly how to comfort each other, in any kind of situation.

9. Repair Damage Immediately

Of course, It is usually not possible to be the perfect partner at all times. There will be times when you would do some things that hurt your partner, even if done unintentionally. The point here is to make corrections as quickly as possible.

Don’t dwell too much on any situation – because it becomes stuck in the memory for a long time and might be difficult to release.

Address every relationship-threatening situation immediately. Hold hands and apologize, talk about everything and be certain there are no lasting hard feelings.

10. Rebuild Trust

House cannot be built over the night; it has to be built brick by brick, step by step and day by day. Same process applies to relationship, and especially when you are trying to mend a broken relationship.

You are both familiar with each other, but you do not completely trust each other yet.

This is a period where both of you can prove to each other that you will be there for each other. Your partner can trust you to care for him or her in the way that they need and feel assured that past hurts won’t reoccur.

So try to be patient, caring, loving, hopeful, and let it happen.

No matter the complexity of situations, be there for each other, be a good listener and ensure you do tangible things for your partner. This will bring about a confirmation and an assurance that the relationship will be solid this time.

11. Build Up Happy Memories

Keeping happy memories and experiences help to neutralize the effect of negativity.

We tend to keep negative memories for a longer time more than we retain positive memories — the more you keep positive memories about someone, the more you are able to revive and sustain friendship.

Learn and understand what makes your partner feel good and happy, work and act on it. Hug your partner more often, send affectionate messages, and give surprises. Make breakfast in bed, peck and kiss. These are some of the little things that count.

12. Lean on Each Other

Whatever happens to either of you must be known to both of you, that’s because you are there for each other. If your partner needs help or in a bad condition, you should be the first person he or she should turn to.

No issue is trivial or too weighty to be discussed between each other. Settle issues with love and maturity – your partner is your rock.

13. Seek Counseling

Sometimes, past events that hurt might just be too much for two people to handle alone; if that is in your case, it may be time for both of you to see a counselor.

A professional therapist can assist in bringing out each person’s true feelings and find out the reasons behind why the relationship became broken, which can then help you to let it go.

A counselor can then help both of you go through the proper steps to be together again. All of the time and energy you will put in it will definitely be worth it.

How to Fix a Broken Relationship After Cheating

The strategies mentioned above apply to every couple, but unfaithfulness in your marriage or love connection tends to increase the difficulty to mending relationships.

For some couples, cheating has become the norm. It is a significant breach of trust and betrayal. Infidelity in marriages causes more than a third of divorces worldwide.

But for many couples, it is quite possible to fix a relationship after cheating. It will likely take work with a therapist and several months (or years) to rebuild the trust, but it can be done.

Here are some of the steps you can take:

·         The cheating partner must totally admit his or her behavior.

·         The cheating partner must admit and apologize for the pain he or she has caused you and the harm it has caused to your relationship.

·         You both must discuss and figure out the cause of the cheating and get to the root issue.

·         The cheating partner must break off all communication links with the other person and do everything that is necessary to make the betrayed person feel safe.

·         The non-cheating partner should desist from constantly punishing the other or bringing up the infidelity every time. Set times to talk about it in or out of counseling.

·         The cheating partner must give the betrayed partner enough time to heal up and rebuild trust. Forgiveness may not be quick.

·         Both of them must be patient and committed to rebuilding the connection and intimacy, also working on the other steps stated to restore a broken relationship.

Repairing Broken Relationships Takes Time

If you and your partner are having difficulties, the first step is admitting the problems before they become unconquerable.

Depending on the problems you are facing (boredom, differing values, constant bickering, infidelity, etc.), it can take some time to repair the connection and to strengthen the bond of your relationship.

Don't be too quick to end the marriage or the connection because things haven't turned well quickly. If you guys still love each another and want to find a way back to each other, be more patient and do the necessary things.

Have you ever been a victim of infidelity? If yes, kindly share with us how you fixed yours.